Welcome to the Real World

As the world's largest television network, MTV broadcasts to more than 300 million households around the world and with this huge following continues to influence the path that the citizens of cultural society travel.  MTV continues to exert substantial influence upon the youth within its core demographic and an ever-changing media culture.

Seeing how much they appealed to the youth, MTV’s producers began making reality shows on the side.  Involving people who went through real life situations, these dramas attracted the youths of the world and soon MTV changed from a music video channel to a reality broadcasting center. 

In 1992, MTV launched the first reality TV show called The Real World.  The show was inspired by the 1973 PBS documentary series An American Family.   It focused on the lives of a group of strangers who auditioned to live together in a house for several months, as cameras record their interpersonal relationships.  The premise of the show was narrated as “This is the true story... of seven strangers... picked to live in a house...work together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real...The Real World.” 

Of course, like most reality shows, there was little “real” about it.  The show was directed and often the story lines scripted to create as much drama as possible.  Most of the original cast admit that the more difficult they made it for the other residents, the better the ratings of the show.  The cast lived in a massive, 4000-square-foot duplex in Soho and were paid $2,600 for their time on the show.  Free room and board and none of them had a real job.  That doesn't sound like the real world to me.

However, this type of programming had a real impact on the generation after the Baby Boomers.  Generation X born from 1965 to 1976 were in their formative teenage years when this show became popular.  Gen Xers spent less time with their parents than previous generations of children had. First recognized as latchkey kids, this generation found themselves home alone and taking care of themselves and their siblings, while their parents worked. Divorce was common.  So watching this kind of TV docu-drama appealed to them.  It affected the culture and lifestyle choices of a whole generation.  Even the furniture (IKEA) in the MTV loft is still popular with this generation today.

Why this background information on MTV?  Because today, Baby Boomers are moving back with their Generation X children and experiencing a whole new alternative lifestyle.  Single-parent and blended families convinced Gen Xers that “families” come in all shapes and sizes. More inclusive of others and accepting of differences from themselves or their experiences, this generation accepted and embraced diversity.  Gen Xers are pragmatic, individualistic, reject rules, mistrust institutions, obsess about technology and are closer to their friends than family.  Sound familiar?

So what is it like to move back in with this generation?   Very difficult at first.  Depending on your personality and previous independent lifestyle, it can be downright brutal.  Many Gen Xers were forced to move back in with parents while in their 20s and were ungraciously dubbed the “boomerang generation.”  Now the Baby Boomers are becoming the “boomerangs” and returning to a new home where “family” takes on a whole new meaning.

How common is this new communal living?  About 28 percent of people 50 to 64 years old lived alone in 2009, according to AARP, and while the portion of those living with unrelated people is only about 1 percent, the cohort approaching retirement age is so large that the number of older people sharing housing has risen considerably. In 2000, there were about 820,000 households where single people 46 to 64 shared housing with non-relatives; by 2013, that number had risen to 1,090,000, said Rodney Harrell, AARP’s senior adviser for housing.

Few of America’s 78 million 49- to 67-year-olds have any intention of aging the way their parents have, wedded to their independence at all costs, even if it ultimately means social isolation.  However, the baby boomers can envision all sorts of alternate living arrangements. “To the older generation, living alone is the only measure of success, but the boomers’ comfort with interdependence means there are many options,” says Dr. Bill Thomas, an influential geriatrician and author based in New York. “Aging in community, rather than all alone, is going to make the boomers’ experience of old age different than anything that ever came before.”

While admitting communal living isn't for everyone, “I expect that boomers are going to find the idea less radical than older people,” says Joanne Tuller, a 58-year-old community health center administrator. “Boomers are community-oriented, they went to college and lived in dorms, the hippie [experience] makes them more open to living with people they’re not related to.”

There are compelling demographic reasons why Tuller’s prediction is good news. For one, the pool of family caregivers is shrinking. Some 1 in 4 boomers never had children; those who did may have sons and daughters thousands of miles away. One-third of the population will face old age single — either widowed, divorced, or never married. Already, 4 million 50-plus women live in US households with at least two other women of similar age.  They are called the “Golden Girls” commune.

Communal living is a kind of alternative lifestyle. It represents an option different in significant ways from the traditional model of independent living in which single individuals or couples live alone, each in a fully self-contained dwelling unit.  Do you want to live more efficiently and reap the benefits of a closer community? Communal living is a great strategy for getting and staying out of debt while building community, resilience and security in a tenuous economy. But it requires a change in attitudes.

Economic pressures in the future will necessitate more extended family living, smaller housing footprints in square footage per person, and less single-family housing. For young adults who have school debt to overcome, or who are saving for a home, various forms of extended family living are a logical solution. 

The number of multigenerational households has been steadily rising because of the economic hardships people are experiencing today.  According to the AARP, multigenerational households have increased from 5 million in 2000 to 6.2 million in 2008.  The importance of an extended family is one that many people may not realize, but having a support system and many forms of income may help people today because of the difficulties in finding a job and bringing in enough money.

My wife and I just moved into a large house with my daughter, son-in-law and grandson in Austin, TX.  The house is large enough to provide each of us with a bedroom and bath.  The house also has two living rooms for our private space.  The large kitchen and dining room is shared as are meals and house chores.  Bills are split four ways.  It remains to be seen if this arrangement will be cost-saving for us or not.  Apartment rents are higher in Austin than anywhere in Texas and utilities are owned by the city and continue to rise in cost. 

Austin is known for being weird and most of the local government is run by the “green” party.   There has also been a large influx of Californians that influence the local culture.  We now have to carry our own shopping bags with us and the roads have been squeezed to provide bicycle lanes.  So living in a “commune” may be just the style for this city.  I have never seen myself as the “hippie” type.  I am a retired engineer with over 40 years of experience and somewhat set in my ways.  

I guess I am more like Archie Bunker than “Meathead” in All in the Family.

                        

The first weekend we moved in the rain.  This was our 24^th move in 40 years of marriage, so it is not an understatement to say I hate moving.   The following week, we all contacted a severe stomach flu which was horribly debilitating.   During this two week period, I noticed that there was always a crowd at the house.  Some of the crowd had gotten permission to sleep on the couch while promising to look for their own place.  Others were ex-roommates who had been told to leave, but never seemed to get the message.  All of whom ate our food stayed up late and talked loudly and endlessly.   Afternoon naps are now a thing of the past.

I was so upset with the new “alternative lifestyle” that I threatened to leave.  I still have a travel trailer hidden in the Texas Hill Country that would make a great “man cave.”  My leisure time has all but ended now that I have a grandson living with me.  I rarely get to sit in my recliner and watch TV when my toddler is getting into everything.   My daughter and son-in-law think nothing of ignoring the boy while completely absorbed in their iPhones.  I, on the other hand, can imagine all the hazards one boy can reach and I have to get up and see to him.  My wife keeps the grandson 10 to 12 hours a day, so I try not to bother her at night.

Amy Goyer, AARP multigenerational issues expert, said the most common multigenerational household is one with a grandparent as head of household and his adult children having moved in with their children, an arrangement usually spurred by the needs of one or both to combine resources and save money. The second most popular is a grandparent moving in with an adult child's family, usually for care-giving reasons. She noted that 2.5 million grandparents say they are responsible for the basic needs of the grandchild living with them. 

After making an appointment with my psychiatrist, I did some research for this blog post.  I realized that this move requires a major attitude adjustment.  I also realized that communal living requires agreements and arrangements for daily activities.  House meetings may be necessary to get everyone to sit down and discuss the issues that impact our lives.  I let it be known I was unhappy with the way things were happening.  My “room-mates” began to implement some changes regarding the noise, the crowds and the babysitting.

My son-in –law and my wife tackled the stack of boxes and unloaded all but a few.  They also organized and cleaned the house.  My son-in-law likes yard work and began raking leaves in preparation for mowing season.  He also takes out the garbage, cooks and does the dishes.  Not bad.   My wife does all the laundry and changes the diapers when I am gagging too much to get the job done.  My daughter works a full-time job and attends the University of Texas toward her bachelors’ degree.  I, on the other hand, hold my grandson in my arms and rock him to sleep at night after we have watched Thomas (the train) and Friends. 

There may be advantages to this type of living after all.