It's Tim Tebow Time

I attended the Broncos/Chargers game in Denver, CO on October 9th.  The Broncos quarterback, Orton, was terrible.  So were the Broncos.  I enjoyed the NFL game and the atmosphere, but was a little disappointed in the level of play.  I was just about to leave the stadium early, when I heard the crowd roar.  Tim Tebow replaced Orton and had just run the ball into the end zone for a score.  Was this the same game I had just watched for three quarters?

Tim Tebow has been criticized for not being the "typical NFL quarterback."  He is unconventional and does not have the greatest arm in football.   But he is a born leader on the field and the Broncos were a different team when he was their quarterback.  I can think of several "unconventional" quarterbacks that had to prove themselves in the NFL.  Names like Tarkenton, Flutie and Warren Moon come to mind.  All these had very different styles from the cookie-cutter QBs of today, but they were winners and proved it on the field.

Tebow led the Broncos back to almost tie the score with less than two minutes left in the game.  He then got the ball back with seconds on the clock and drove down the field.  With one second left on the clock, he threw a pass in the end zone that was dropped.  The Broncos came that close to winning the game against a very good Chargers team.   What would have happened if Tebow had been allowed to play all four quarters?

After the game was lost and the 1 and 4 Broncos headed for the locker room, the Denver fans showed their appreciation by chanting "Tebow, Tebow, Tebow."  I was glad to hear Tim Tebow will be the starting quarterback this weekend against Miami.  Miami is 0 and 5 and this may be a very good opportunity for a very young quarterback to get some playing time. 

Good Luck, Tim!

Santa Fe, NM Is For Art Lovers

My wife and I travelled to Santa Fe, NM recently for the first time.  After a little bout of altitude sickness (7000 ft. elevation), we settled in to find a city rich with culture and diversity.   We visited several art museums and enjoyed all the artisans works we saw everywhere.  From the paintings to the sculpture to the silver and turquoise jewelry displayed on blankets in front of the Palace of the Governors, the whole town was one big art show.  We even found some of the our favorite artwork displayed in the rotunda of the state capital.   One of my favorite artists was Georgia O'Keefe.   We purchased several of her prints at the Georgia O'Keefe Museum and the gift shop graciously framed them for us.

There was so much to enjoy in Santa Fe, from the historic churches, to the art museums, the food, the shopping and just sitting in the plaza listening to music.  One of the greatest treasures we found in Santa Fe were it's people.   My wife and I rode the #2 bus daily to downtown and found the most friendly and kindest people we have ever met.  Every single person was so friendly and personable.  They all knew each other by name and we enjoyed the daily conversations and courtesy that was shown to one another.

Santa Fe has much for which to be proud, but the best of it's treasure can be found in the hearts and spirit of it's people.  The Zia symbol that is on the New Mexico flag (see below) is an interpretation of an ancient sun design.  The symbol stands for "perfect friendship" and the Santa Fe people live up to this name.   It has been a real joy visiting Santa Fe and we plan to return.

Boomer Sooner or Later.....

I was in Denver, CO last Saturday and wanted to see the Red River Rivalry (or for those not from Texas - the annual Texas/Oklahoma football game).  My RV did not have cable access to the game, so I looked on the Internet for a sports bar/restaurant that might be showing the game. 

To my surprise, I found the Rocky Mountain Chapter of the "Texas Exes" were meeting at the Govnr's Tavern for a big TX/OU game party.  We were invited to join them at 9 AM for brunch and to watch the game.  We arrived early before an overflow crowd, all dressed in burnt orange and singing the UT fight song.

Although Texas got beat up by OU (which was expected since Texas was largely a freshman team going against the previously No. 1 ranked team in the country), the atmosphere was great and it was nice to meet so many Texans in Denver.  The only good thing about the game was the Longhorns have a good memory for this type of defeat.  The Sooners kept their first string players in the game and ran up the score.  Three years from now, if Oklahoma is still playing in the Big 12, the Longhorns will certainly get their revenge.

Next time you are in Denver, CO in October, look up this fantastic group of alumni.

"WHAT....ME WORRY?"

If you are a baby boomer, you will probably recognize this famous quote.  It is from a fictional character named Alfred E. Newman and appeared in Mad Magazine.  In the days before the internet and YouTube, we entertained ourselves by reading magazines and comic books.  Mad Magazine was regular reading material around my house.  I loved the satire and cartoons like Spy vs Spy.   Do you remember any Mad Magazine stories?   You can still subscribe to Mad Magazine.  It is America's longest-running humor magazine, besides Time,   Consider this my endorsement.

As I grew older and was overloaded with information from 24-hour news channels, the Internet, blogs and everything else, I found myself worrying on a global scale.  It seemed the more information I received about every kind of disaster or calamity world-wide, the more I worried about it.   I couldn’t help but feel compassion for all that suffering.  I often wondered if it wouldn’t be better to be ignorant, stupid, dumb AND happy.  Not a care in the world, or at least my own very small world.

I finally realized that this information overload was too much for any one person and it was not balanced with all the good things happening in the world.  Good things never made the news.  So I went from being a news junkie to a willfully ignorant news avoider.  I don’t mean I completely ignored the news, but most “real” news is local.  The kind of news you need to make informed decisions based on what impacts you. 

I read about a study on worry which found that only 8% of the things people worried about actually happened.  The researches found that 92% of the worries were imaginary, never happened or involved matters over which people had no control.  So make a list of the top ten things you are worried about and scratch through nine of them.   If you insist on worrying about the remaining one thing, then go ahead and worry.   Like my grandfather  used to say,  “Worry is like a rocking-chair.  It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

I have been a “chronic” worrier most of my life.  Looking back, I realize that all that worrying was a big waste of time and energy.   Worrying often simply means that you are anxious, apprehensive, troubled or fearful.  These emotions are very common—we all face them from time to time.  Most of the time, all worry gave me was more anxiety and depression.   I would like to share with you some of the things I have learned to deal with  these thoughts and emotions.

One of the best medical explanations I have read for the process of worry is:

“Worry is a special form of fear. To create worry, humans elongate fear with anticipation and memory, expand it in imagination, and fuel it with emotion. Worry is what humans do with simple fear once it reaches the cerebral cortex. They make it complex.”

Neuropsychologists tell us that worry involves the emotional centers of the brain.  The brain’s emotional center (called the amygdala) reacts to potential danger by transmitting an alarm to the area of our brain behind and above our eyes (the prefrontal cortex).  The prefrontal cortex analyzes the alarm (worrying, essentially) which signals further alarm back to the amygdala. Picture a vicious cycle of escalating and self-perpetuating alarm and worry between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex and you have a simplified understanding of the brain’s role in worry.  

Steven Hayes stated “Your brain is not your friend.”  These emotional centers were not designed to give you warm and fuzzy thoughts.  Also, controlling your thoughts is not the solution.  It is more likely the problem.

What fuels this vicious cycle between our overly sensitive alarm systems in the brain?  

Some of these are wrong beliefs and assumptions we make or were handed down to us.  Here are some examples of wrong assumptions or expectations that fuel worry:

“Because I have a thought, it is, therefore, an important thought, and I must give it my full attention and get it settled.”

Every thought that pops into our brain is not necessarily our own or important.  We are often influenced by all sorts of things and words that we should not accept.   We should treat these stray thoughts as “mind debris” that is floating around in your brain.  Learn to accept the presence of a worried thought without having to take it so seriously and without having to get rid of it.  If you must worry about it, schedule two or three “worry periods” during the day for 15 minutes.  I suggest you use a rocking chair. 

“Worry keeps me focused and steeled for the worst so I can’t be blindsided.” “I can anticipate and avoid discomfort by worrying.”

Some of us cannot tolerate any uncertainty in our lives and we are uncomfortable not knowing what may happen to us.  (Can we say control problem?)  I used to imagine the worst possible outcome of a situation, so when the outcome did happen I would be emotionally prepared for it.  Of course, the outcome was never worse than I imagined, but I got to experience all the stress and fear associated with this stupid exercise.

“Worry shows how deeply I care.”

Does worry help those you really care about?  Does worry save them from any trouble or calamity?  Of course not!   When we think about it, we see how irrational this thinking can be.   It would be more helpful to take some form of action to help those you love.  Develop a plan for action--not the “right plan” or the “perfect plan”- -just a reasonable plan.   Ask yourself these questions:

What is the perceived threat to you or your loved ones vital interests?

How are you or your loved ones vulnerable?

Do you really have the facts? 

What positive actions can I take to help including staying out of the way?

Once you have a plan, don’t keep checking on it—store it. In general, some kind of action is usually preferable to spinning your wheels.  At the least, call and express your love and concern and tell them you will be praying for them.

Here are some irrational beliefs that you should eliminate from your thinking:

“The world should be fair and just.”

“I must be liked by everyone.”

“To be worthwhile, I must be thoroughly competent & exceptional.”

“I should be free of pain, hassle or discomfort at all times.”

“I cannot bear it when things are not as I would like them to be.”

“I can avoid discomfort by worrying.”

If you eliminate these beliefs, you will save yourself from a lot of worry.

I won’t try to bore you with all the strategies and information available to deal with worry.  You can find a lot of good information on the Internet.   I just want to assure you that there is a cure for worry. 

If all else fails, and you are convinced you are hard-wired to worry.  If you are a “meta-worrier” and you worry about worry.   There are some excellent medications that will help. 

For some people, the following quotation applies:

“The certainty of misery is better than the misery of uncertainty.” (Pogo)  

What Does It Mean To Be "Cool"?

Speaking to baby boomers in this blog, I decided to write on a topic which many of you are familiar.  The topic is the meaning of “cool.”  It is an attitude that pervades American popular culture and includes music, styles, language and a host of other characteristics. 

The definition of “cool” is difficult to understand and many have tried to explain it.  I did a little research on the internet to see if anyone had come up with a suitable definition, but there were no satisfactory ones.  Let’s just say “cool” is defined by a select group of individuals in each generation and remains with that group for the rest of their lives.

Here are some facts about being “cool” written by others….

• "Cool cannot be manufactured, only observed"
• "Cool can only be observed by those who are themselves cool"
• "The act of discovering what's cool is what causes cool to move on"

In each generation, “cool” seems to matter most to teenagers.  They decide what “cool” is by defining everything their parents do as “uncool.”  This attitude is fostered by the desire to rebel against parental authority in an environment where open rebellion invites punishment.   So teenagers hide their defiance behind a wall of ironic detachment, distancing themselves from parental authority rather than directly confronting it.   This attitude is aided by the music artists and others who what to distinguish themselves and gain fame or by others just hoping to use this new behavior to market products. 

However it works, it brings a powerful change in each generation…..at least during the teenage years.  Have you ever known a time in your life when you were “cool”?   What defined it?   Do you remember the first time some snotty nose teenager made you feel uncool?  I think if you are a baby boomer, you have had that experience.

Which leads me to the question….What does it mean to be cool?  I have plenty of time lately (one of the luxuries of retirement) and so I get to remember things.  I tried to remember my teenage years to see if I ever had a cool moment.  First, I had to remember what was “cool” back in the 1960’s when I struggled as a teenager.

I lived in a single-parent home with a hard-working mom trying to raise three kids alone.  I never had any money unless I earned it myself.  I was always working 2 or more jobs and looking for other ways to earn money.  I must have worked every part-time job a teenager could get from delivering papers, mowing grass, sacking groceries, flipping burgers, babysitting, etc.   I even had a job stocking the bread for the local bread truck.  None paid more than $2 an hour and I usually spent it on clothes for school. 

Then there were the non-paying jobs like cleaning the house, doing laundry, taking care of the car and, of course, watching my younger brother.  My older sister got a pass because she was constantly on dates and going out.  She would often hand-off her babysitting jobs to me.  I appreciated the easy money.

So, wearing the latest clothing styles, driving a new car, having money to socialize or even date were “cool” things I did not have.  Most of the teenagers in my small town were divided into the “rich”, the “poor” and the non-existent.  The rich were usually defined as the “cool” ones for all the above reasons.  I made friends with all three groups, so I guess I was a non-existent.  Popularity in my school often was determined by the kind of car you drove, how big an athlete you were or how rich your family was.  I was the youngest in my class graduating from high school at 17 and I did not completely fill out until college.  So athletics seemed to pass me by before I had a chance to participate.

So the only cool thing I remember from those years was the music.  I loved the music of the 60’s from rock and roll to the Beatles to Motown.   I remember having a “beatles” haircut in my senior year which I considered cool.  We had some really good local bands and the dances at the Legion Hut were some of my best memories.  I loved to dance.  My sister would teach me all the latest dances and my mom would always ask us to dance to the jukebox at the café where she worked.

Driving around the local hamburger joint (called the Kream Kastle) and listening to music on the local AM channel filled our teenage years.  No FM radio or stereos or CDs or any other wonderful gadgets like we have today.  But the music still sounded great.

Then I happened to remember the coolest night of my teenage life.  It was the night of the Senior Prom.  My best friend, Ron Wilson, invited me and my date to join him that night.  His brother loaned him his brand new Pontiac GTO.  The small town I lived in went all out for seniors and the prom.  We got to dance until midnight when all the underclassmen were sent home.  A wonderful buffet of food was brought in to recharge us.  We then had the gymnasium until 2 AM when we were dismissed to go downtown to the only movie theater. 

A special movie was flown in for our viewing (Barefoot in the Park with Jane Fonda and Robert Redford) which we would not get to see for several more weeks.  After the movie, we burned rubber on Main Street while the cops looked the other way.  We than went to the only place open, the truck stop on the interstate, for a greasy breakfast.  After that, we were invited to a “rich” cheerleader’s house to swim all day in the pool.  It was a great 24 hours.

Something else happened that night that I had completely forgotten until Ron Wilson reminded me some 40+ years later.  In hindsight, I would have to say this single circumstance defined what I believe was my coolest moment.   Most teenagers live a self-centered life that has little or nothing to do with the rest of the world.  At least, that was the way it was in the 1960’s.   But a whole lot of change was just around the corner for me and my classmates.  

The civil rights movement was gaining momentum.  Our small town had two high schools, one black and one white.  Our small town had two main streets, one black and one white.  Segregation was still the norm in this southern town.   There were some signs of change.  The stores and the schools had become open to everyone.  The year following my senior year, the government was going to shut down the black high school and force all students to attend one high school. 

I grew up with memories of my grandmother’s café and how I was treated like family by the black cooks and dishwashers.  I remember my mom would never allow us to tell racial jokes and the “N” word was grounds for a beating.  I remember being on a junior high track team that was integrated and how we could not all go into the same restaurant after the track meet because of the black athletes.  Our coach asked us all to eat burgers on the bus which we gladly did.   Our senior class had one black student that I knew.  His name was Harold Davis.  I guess he was also one of the “non-existents.”

On the night of the Senior Prom, Ron Wilson, our dates and I were on the dance floor waiting for the band to begin a wonderful night of music.   Harold Davis and his date walked on the dance floor and stood next to us.  They were just as excited as we were.  Then, as I turned around, all the other couples left the dance floor refusing to share it with Harold and his date.   All except us.   While our dates looked to see what we would do, I leaned over to Harold and said, “We are going to stay here and dance all night.”   Harold and Ron smiled and the band began to play.   The rest of the crowd could choose to live in the past and miss the best night of their life, we didn’t care.  Eventually, everyone danced.

Ron (who was our class valedictorian) was so impressed with the stand I took that night and told me how courageous I was.   At the time, I didn’t think of myself as doing anything unusual.  I had been brought up to respect everyone regardless of race.  I actually didn’t remember that event, but when I began to think about it in light of everything I have seen in the last 40 years. I decided at that moment, at that time, and at that place, I was forever “cool.”

It didn’t matter what I was wearing, what car I drove or how much money I had.   I was cool because I was on the right side of something much bigger than prom night.  I was right and that mattered more than all the popularity in the world.   At that moment I found out that character was more important than popularity. 

Thanks for reminding me Ron.

Congatulations to Ron Wilson

Thanks Ron for being the first to sign on my blog.  We boomers need to stick together.  Go Baylor Bears!

What does it mean to retire?

I have four days until I retire from working for 40 years.  Truthfully, I have been working all my life.  But this retirement is from a professional career after college.   For a man, work or a career usually means more than just a job or security.  It means a sense of identity, a picture of who you are and what you chose to do with your life.  Although it shouldn’t be – for most men, you are your job.

So, what do you do when you are no longer the professional doctor, lawyer, or engineer?   Does it all end and you just fade away?   Not really.  But a lot of thoughts and emotions go through your head.  Some of the emotions are relief from the stress and the problems that work brings.  Other emotions are the memories of good times and friendships along the way.  But, make no mistake, all men and women go through a process of letting go when they retire.

Fortunately for me, I experienced a “trial” retirement from 2005 to 2006.   It was not planned and we were not prepared for it, but it did teach us what we needed to do to adjust to this new chapter in our lives.  I worked part-time for the same company and got to do a lot of enjoyable things, but after a while I was bored and missed the interaction with people.  My career involved so many hours and consumed so much of my life, that I had no hobbies, social life or interests outside of the work place.   So, before you retire, take some time to think of what retiring really means. 

Let’s start with the dictionary.               

re·tire:  verb \ri-ˈtī(-ə)r\ re·tired, re·tir·ing

1: to withdraw from action or danger : retreat 

Does retire really mean to withdraw from action?  Why can’t retire mean advance instead of retreat?  For the first time in most of our lives we can finally do or pursue what we always wanted to do.   The job or career we chose may not have been the only thing that interested us in life.  In my case, I followed the advice of my parents and other adults who in the wisdom of the 1960’s told me to get a good college education, go to work for a large corporation, and when I reached middle age I would be in a nice middle management position and the company would take care of me.  I did that and began my engineering career in 1973.   However, I found that working for a large corporation did not guarantee a long career and most certainly did not ensure good treatment when I reached middle age.  

By the time I was in my 50’s many corporations had come and gone.  Downsizing was in vogue and there were no middle management positions left in the organizational chart.  Just an elite group at the corporate level and the rest at the plant level.  I survived many downsizings, mainly by agreeing to take on the work left over.  I was doing the work of five employees by the time I reached age 55.  The demands of the job and the stress level were high.  The corporation was anything, but paternal and usually acted more as a slave driver.  As my last boss said, “What were you thinking?”

So, I would agree retiring is a retreat from “danger” in the form of a stress-induced heart attack, but it shouldn’t be a retreat from “action.”  In fact, when I reached 55, I decided to take action.  My wife and I realized we had no choice but to stay in our jobs because we had too much debt.  Debt limits your options.  We decided to get out of debt any way we could.  It wasn’t an easy road, but we put a plan in action and within four years we were out of debt.  If working as a Greeter at Walmart makes me happy, now I have that option.

2: to withdraw especially for privacy 

Does retire mean to withdraw from others and to isolate yourself?   Privacy is good, but the isolation of retirement isn’t.  We need interaction with people to remain healthy emotionally, just like we need exercise to remain healthy physically.   Sometimes that interaction is family, sometimes it is friends.   Many times it is neither.   One of the hard truths about getting old is you start losing your family and friends.   Having the means to meet new people is a necessary skill as you grow older.  That means you must develop the type of smile and winning personality that attracts others.   My wife is blessed with a beautiful smile.   She can sit on a bench and in 15 minutes, some one will be sitting next to her and having a conversation.  Once she went to the huge Macy’s in New York City.  She was so tired from shopping that while waiting in the lobby for me to pick her up, she just sat down on the floor.  After a short while, several women were sitting on the floor next to her.  They began chatting and laughing.  The crowd began to grow and Macy’s security became concerned.  I guess they thought it was a protest or something.  Fortunately, I showed up just in time to keep her from getting arrested.  Melissa found New Yorkers to be just as nice and friendly as Texans.   Of course, she has never met a stranger.  

3: to move back : recede 

Does retirement mean moving back?   Well, usually it does, but not in the sense of receding.  Many retirees decide to move into a smaller house or a warmer climate.   It is often their last move.  This may mean they find a convenient place to live, but often they are more removed from people they know.  The less familiar surroundings and the loss of things to which they were accustomed cause problems.  I have learned that people are more important than places.  We may think we don’t need people in our lives, but we do.  We often need people who need us.  I know we have spent a lot of our time and money helping others and now we are on a fixed income, but there are more needs than just money.  Our family needs a connection to the past even if they don’t think so.  Respect for elders isn’t just a commandment in the Bible.   It has a purpose.  Taking time to hear “living” history reminds us of what others suffered and how blessed we are today.  In America, each generation has had a better life than the last.  This should give younger people hope for the future even during bad times.  Our stories and remembrances although boring to some, provide a living testimony for others.   Stay close to people and plant the seed of hope for another generation.

4: to withdraw from one's position or occupation  

Retirement does not mean the “conclusion” of your life.  Your life is far from over.  How do you know you won’t achieve a higher “position” than the one you just left?  In many cases, it is time for the second or third act in a long drama that is your life.   Find what you enjoy and are passionate about and begin doing something that makes you happy.  What an opportunity.  For the first time in your life, you have the luxury of “time.”   ‘What if you have all the time in the world?”  What would you do?   For one thing, you would no longer worry about time.  You would have time for several “careers.”   Time to learn and master new things even though you make mistakes. Time to develop relationships.   A wise man once told me “Don’t live by the calendar.”   Which means: Don’t assume you are supposed to graduate from school at a certain date, or marry on a certain date, or achieve some success at a certain date, and if you don’t you are a failure.   History has many examples of people who achieved their dreams much later in life.  I have been told with the cracking of the DNA code, modern medical science will find ways for us to live 120 years.   That is half of your life if you retire at 60.   Quit thinking you are running out of time.

5: to go to bed 

Well, this is one definition of “retire” that appeals to me.   When I was trying my “experimental” retirement, I found I took a lot of naps.  I told Melissa I was going to make a sign that read “Chores are optional, but naps are mandatory.”   I tend to enjoy sleep.   But, now that I am about to retire, I find I am too excited to sleep.  There is so much freedom to do anything you want that you don’t want to waste time sleeping.  I have found Melissa is more active and productive since she retired.  She started writing a book and will be finished by the end of her first year of retirement.  She has reconnected with family and friends and is a constant source of encouragement to them.  She has such a zest for life that she is constantly asked to join groups of others.   Melissa and I joined the YMCA to get our health back.  With this new exercise habit, we will have more muscle, more energy and much better health to keep us going.   We spent our health making money in our younger years.  We don’t want to have to spend all our money to buy back our health in our retirement years.  

So  WHAT IS THE MEANING OF RETIRE?   Well, I have decided to replace the word “retire” with the word “renew.”  I am not beginning retirement, I am beginning renewal.   I plan for the next decades of my life to be the best I have ever lived.   Every morning I wake up, I will say, “Good Morning, Lord” instead of “Good Lord, its morning.”   I will look for ways to encourage others and give them hope.  I will get in the best shape of my life, so I won’t creak and pop when I walk.   I will stay active and learn new things, pursue what I love and enjoy every bit of my life.  I will live as if I have all the time in the world and money is no object.   And when I die, I will have no regrets, no grudges, no unforgiveness and no worries.

So join me for the best is yet to come.